Finally a "mom".

While growing up my vision of what a mom does was always so vivid, it was such a glamorous and fun life to think and wonder about. I couldn't wait to start my own family and be a mother, a stay at home mom to be exact!

How amazing it would be!

Cooking dinner, taking care of the kids and welcoming the husband home from a long day of work with a beer in my hand ready to hand over to him, Hair and makeup precise, apron on, and dinner on the table still steaming hot and perfectly cooked; all the while the kids are quietly playing ever so nicely in their bedrooms so dad and i can talk about our days then call the kids to dinner.

Glamorous turned exhausting in 1.2 seconds!

Newborn & toddler days spent completely exhausted, running on zero sleep with spit up in my hair, bottle after bottle, dirty diaper explosions, eating cheerios off of the highchair while feeding the baby because i was far too tired to prepare a meal for myself- cheerios oughta do it! Forget human interaction! Forget that perfect vision of how married life with a baby would be! Its gone, bye bye, forget about it. Someday it would get easier. Just pray!

Toddler & preschool days spent filling up milk cuppies and tripping over hotwheels that were left on the floor. Doing laundry load after load like the hamper is a mary poppins bag of never ending stinky socks. Watching and re-watching cars- to the point you can rehearse the movie in any room of the house while being exactly on point with where the characters currently are-- even if you cant even hear the volume on the TV. Driving to playdates to get that second of sanity even though you know its going to turn into kids arguing, moms yelling over top of the kids to pretend they arent actually there just so you can get a real conversation in. Dinner would end up on the table when hubby would get home, perfect and hot? thats debatable. Sometimes i would look nice, most of the time you are covered in cheese puffs, random stickies and boogers and hair in a "mom knot" but the day was an accomplishment. Sweet baby-Jesus is it bedtime?

Pre-school and grade school is MUCH MUCH easier, Its looking up mama! Its looking up! Still stepping on hotwheels, still that mary poppins hamper, still filling milk glasses, but finally... finally that glamorous mom life has arrived. I now look nice. I now wear makeup and do my hair. Dinner is hot on the table. Never do i wear an apron, and i never hand him a beer when he walks in the door but most of the time its waiting for him on the table. Kids are NEVER playing quietly in their rooms and theres never a minute to discuss our days without interruption but being a mom is absolutely amazing.

Is it glamorous to be a mother? No.
But it is so, so, so rewarding.

I always knew that once both of my kids were in school, i would focus on ME.

I dabbled with the idea a few years ago, that i would still stay at home even when the kids started school. I would keep the house tidy, have dinner prepared and focus on the home front. The typical "olden days" outlook on husband/wife/mom life..... Until I got my first job since i  birthed slade & kendal. My first job in 5 years. We were in a pinch for money... Brian was going to school full time and it was my turn to step up and provide.

I have never been one to shy away from working. Im a very hard worker, having a job or 2 at the same time is always how i have been since graduating and moving on my own. Manual/physical labor doesnt scare me... Its something i look forward to.

I got the sweet taste of doing something for myself. I found a job where i felt like.... ME. Going to work was a sense of accomplishment. Sure, it was hard squeezing in time for the kids and right when slade came home from school, i rushed to work because i worked evenings & weekends. IT was very hard  at first. Hard on me. Hard on slade. Hard on all of us. But its what needed to be done.

The reward outweighed the negatives.

I was giving the kids something to look up to me as. Something more than "just a mom". No doubt that my mom title is the best title that could have ever been given to me. But i was showing them a hardworking mother, and succeeding in something  was wonderful for them to see.

Balance is whats hard. Balancing work life & home life. What days/events to request off, which ones are "worth" missing and what ones are necessary.

But a working "me" defines me.

Now i LOVE my job. It might "just" be bath and body works, but i LOVE my job.

When i was faced with quitting because of brians new job, i was crushed. devestated and somewhat angry.... but again, it was something that needed to be done; Especially when daycare is NOT an option for us. I WILL be the one to take care of my kids. (nothing against day care, i mean no offense to anyone... sometimes its the only option a family has, and its totally understandable, but its not something i want. The way i look at it is what i would be making while working a minimum wage job, would go directly to the daycare for doing what i can be doing. Now higher paying jobs i see the benefit.) Having a few months off left me with the WHOLE summer to be with my kids. How awesome it turned out to be. We got to be carefree all summer with no responsibilities (the kids and I). But now, as they are both in school full days its my time.

Getting re-hired at BBW was so awesome. I left on good terms and it deemed me rehire-able. My boss works with my schedule so i can work days, and be home in time to pick up the kids from school. No weekends. What a wonderful place/company to work for. There are opportunities down the line with the company.

Having my own job. My own paycheck. I am going to work for ME. Its ALL ME when im at work. The accomplishments  i make, i have done completely on my own. I can have adult interaction and enjoy working. I can't tell you how much this job means to me. I feel like a whole different person when i am working. Im happy, im confident. Im... well.... ME.

Yesterday was my first day back. I couldn't wipe my smile off. I had my apron on, i was testing new product and interacting with customers. Sure, i was a tad off my game and discombobulated in a new store but all in all it felt AMAZING!!!  As my boss was describing my duties to me when i clocked in i just keep smiling and my heart was beating fast. I was so giddy and excited. I know it may sound silly to some of you because it isnt a PRIME job or a "career" in the eyes of some, but for me, it is.  I can see myself being a manager.... I would be totally content with running a store of my own one day. Its not about the job, its about loving yourself in the job you are in. And boy do i love myself as a bath and body works employee.

It was like the first day of school all over again. Something i looked forward to and counted down to.

Life is about doing what makes you happy! and so far, i have done what works for me and makes me happy and my family as well.

I stayed at home with the kids when it was crucial i be there for them. All hours of every day.

I now work while they are in school and that makes me happy and its crucial for ME as a mother and as a wife.

I am happy with where life has lead me.  I guess the whole point of this blog today is how life isnt always what you expect it to be, its all about how YOU make it to be. As long as YOU are happy thats what matters most.

Focus on YOURSELF. You spend more than enough time on your children & husband. You make sure they always have what they need so why not do the same for yourself.

You are your priority. So fix it. If you're happy, they will be too.

Another Year!

So we have been living in Michigan for 2 years. We have accomplished things that we set out to accomplish by moving back to Michigan. Brian has stayed a reservist while using the GI bill to obtain his associates in aviation. He graduated this spring, and he is onto the final steps of this particular journey ..Getting his bachelors. He just hit a major goal in his schooling by becoming a flight instructor at the college! He has a handfull of students and a constant smile on his face. Its nice to see THAT brian again, and not the stressed out, going grey Brian we have seen this past year and a half. He has had a smorgasbord size plate since he started school and always having 2-3 jobs at once it hardly leaves time for family life. Its a small price to pay to reach your goals and becoming something.  Im so very proud of him.

Lately life has been crazy. Sladen was selected to be the Cherry festival Prince of his school. Along with that EXCITING title for him, came LOTS of work for mom and dad. Basically they handed us a trailer and said this is yours to build with no help from us. Challenge accepted. The theme of this years parade was Michigan Authors, so we were given the book M is for Mitten ( an alphabet book). His princess' family helped get us donations, but that was about all they gave us. We towed the float, we built the majority of it, and put it together, tore it down, and all the other things that came along with it. My past 2 weeks consisted of painting, stapling, painting, and did i say painting?! I couldn't have been happier when the second parade ended. Check that off the bucket list. ANd sladen can say he was a cherry prince. The things we do for our children. He had appearances he had to make. A pie eating contest, 2 tours and a pizza party, plus the 2 parades. It was an exhausting & rewarding experience.

To stay on the subject of Sladen, he is BMX'ing his little heart out this year. We have been enjoying watching him become more and more comfortable out there on the track. In one year its crazy how much he can change. Hes a good little racer (as are all of them out there) but with first place wins, comes a big head and a semi load of confidence. He thinks he IS the BEST and thats simply not how i want him to be. I want him to think of the other kids as team-mates and not competitors. I want him to have good sportsmanship. Slowly he is learning that. He just received his 7th first place trophy, and when he reaches 10 he moves up a class from novice to intermediate (racing faster kids).... or when he turns 7 he will start racing 7 novices whichever comes faster. Im sort of rooting for the birthday to come faster than the 10 first places, simply because once he starts racing the 7 boys, they are a little faster than him,but not as fast as the intermediates and it wont crush his soul as much, but still knock him down a notch. Does that make any sense? Kendal is really itching to race, but she is too small for the mini race bike, but too big for the strider bikes, and we cannot find a Micro mini race bike, and when we have come accross 2 of them, they are nearly 500 bucks and well, thats half of a months rent so that would be a ..... big....fat.... no.

So keeping with talking about Kendal.... She just turned 4. 4. 4 whole years. woah. She is one wild, and crazy girl! There isn't much that she cannot do, or atleast try. But this week she has a bad case of bad luck or juju or just not paying attention that leads to accidents. this week alone these are the accidents:
*Saturday she was riding her bike and bit the ground chin first, giving her a golf ball size egg and all bruised.
*Sunday she stopped riding her bike right in front of brian and his tire scuffed hers, sending her yet again to her chin.
* Sunday night she was rounding a turn on the river bridge as we were riding a family bike ride and as she rounded the turn, her spokes of her tire caught my foot from my pedal, eating my whole foot and wrapping my toes around her spokes  sending us both to the ground. (now talk about thinking your toes were sheered off!!!)
*Monday she was doing tricks, yet again on her bike, with her brother and they were skidding to hit folding chairs and knocking them down, well she folded herself into one of the chairs while still on her bike- tell me it isnt possible, because you would be wrong.
*  Tuesday she was riding slades bike around the school while we were waiting to pick him up from camp, and she got excited when she saw him and you can guess what happened next...... haha
*wednesday (today) durning lunch she was tipping on her chair (which i have told them hundreds of times not to do) it fell backwards, she fell on the back of it, breaking 2 of my rungs. she didnt learn a single lesson.

She is an accident waiting to happen. The thing is, is that she is absolutely fearless. She falls and thinks "wow, lets try that again". she only cries because she is either pissed that it happened, or embarrased... Rarely does she cry because its painful. She is doing really well though.

Life is a bit chaotic... and i wouldnt have it any other way!

My photography is slower this summer than last, but since brian is always gone, it leaves me little time to focus on setting up sessions when i would have to bring the kids along. Most of the families love the distraction my kids make for their kids to watch and look at the camera, and the my kids listen really well, but its just not that professional, and it doesnt let me FOCUS directly on that family. However, i did score a sweet deal with GTCBMX Raceway, and i am the track photographer. This is my first real big chance to show people what i can do. Its difficult to shoot moving objects, its difficult to get the camera just right but i am learning. Lots of blurring and motion at first, but i am starting to get the hang of it. ITs helping me learn and grow in lots of ways.

This summer has been going by really fast, but we have been able to accomplish alot. We have gone camping, lots of races, lots of family outings, go carting, beaching, pooling, bike rides galore, drive in movies, air shows ... just going going going.

This summer is far different than last! last summer I had 3 jobs, brian had 1 plus school, when he was gone i was home and vice versa. I rarely saw the kids, and we didnt get to do a single family thing. It was an exhausting summer. This summer is very enjoyable with lots of memories. Chasing the ice cream truck, getting dirty, lots of laughing, lots of fun.... i feel blessed, completely blessed.

In other news, this will be the longest we have lived in one home as a family. We just re-signed our lease.... we are in this house for another year. The thought of moving is always apetizing to me. I love the change of scenery.... But for now, i am content. We have the school right down the road, we have stores convientiently placed, we have what we need right where we are.... so why move? Plus the thought of figuring out how to get the couches we stuffed downstairs back up the stairs is enough to make me stay put ;)

This is getting long, and a bit pointless but for those of you whom like to read my life, this oughta do it for a while :)

Not so relaxing vacation..........

Hey everyone!

So as most of you know, or at least SOME of you know, I had been traveling to wonderful Virginia Beach to see my handsome hubby while he was away on training. A 3 night 4 day stay; turned into a 5 night 6 day stay.

How could that be a bad thing you ask?! well let me just tell you......

The though of rendezvousing with my husband in Sunny Virginia Beach, strolling hand in hand while our toes are in the water, all the while childless sounded amazing, and since we had never been on a real vacation out of state with each other, without kids, EVER i decided to throw all caution to the wind (which never happens), pack my bags and head out.

Now i dont want to say it was the worst decision i had ever made because i had an absolutely amazing time with the hubby and i would probably have done it all over again but maybe change a few things!

 no schedule, no cleaning, no mommy duties, just spending time alone with the man in my life was bliss.

But the reality hit me when i was trying to get home.

So lets just start from the beginning shall we?

Wednesday evening after i picked the kids up from school, we loaded up the cavalier (easy on gas, not like my SUV) with 2 kids, 2 large dogs, and 2 adults. Tight squeeze you might say! but we did it anyways.....

Once we arrived at Grams house i dropped her off, and the kids and dogs, and headed over to my parents.

Well that was easy!

I got up at 6, got ready and left for the airport... all went accordingly! Sun was shining, Weather was perfect, and i was hours away from my husband.... YAY!

I boarded the plane with ease...... lift off is where things turned sour..........

So as I am reading my magazine, day dreaming about sunny days and husband time i hear a loud explosion & Pop, followed by a trembling on the floor of the plane, and out of the corner of my right eye i see a flash, then black. My instant reaction was to jump up and say "WHAT THE FUCK!" as did most of the other passengers! To make the statement, "it scared the shit out of me" is far from what it really felt like. My instant thought was we were going down.

As we were trying to figure out what happened, a pilot was sitting in the seat in front of me, heading to the airport he worked out of. He did some recon and found out that our engine "swallowed" a bird. He alerted the flight attendant who then called the pilots on the plane phone. They had no idea that their passengers were freaked out, and had no knowledge that they just ate a bird. Awesome!

So we landed, and i quickly walked to my next gate. Got checked in, and awaited my plane. Well, with brians job at the airline we can fly for pretty much FREE, but the catch is flying on standby... meaning you are not guaranteed a seat..... So i didnt make it on the first plane out of that gate, but the kicker was, they had 2 open seats but they were awaiting the passengers. After the final boarding call, i was called to the counter and as my ticket was printing... Mr "im very late" for my plane arrived, and took my seat. Damn! So c lose, yet so far......

So i kept getting rolled and bumped off of planes left and right. My only option aside from sleeping at the airport was flying to Washington DC and brian driving to pick me up..... (3.5 hours).... he did it. I made it on the plane, first class, woot woot. and away we went!

15 hours of traveling, i finally was rewarded with my husband!

It was nice to see DC, but i certainly didnt miss living there!!!

On our way to virginia beach, it was nearly 1 am, and we still had 3 hours left of travel. We stopped for coffee and gas and continued to keep our eyes open with toothpicks!

Our ride was going smoothly, until we were near williamsburg VA. we were approaching hazard lights from several vehicles, and as we got closer we noticed there were people in the road. My first thought was "someone plowed a deer"....... unfortunately that wasnt the reality..... what looked like a deer, turned out to be a human on a motorcycle! We dont know what happened, or how, but someone hit a motorcyclist. We could see he was moving around holding his legs, he was definitly hurt. There were alot of witnesses so we had to keep going. THere was no reason to stick around. I couldnt and still cant shake that image out of my mind. I hope it turned out okay and he had nothing more than a few bumps and bruises.

Finally made it to the hotel, got 3 hours of sleep and started my first virginia beach day! brian had to work and i needed a new military ID so we had to go in early!

Just seeing the sights that i missed so much was awesome enough. driving around with the salt breeze in my hair took all my worries out the window.

I stopped and seen my dear friends- the white family! then headed back to the beach!

The rest of the trip was full of walking, sight seeing, sun bathing, and just enjoying being US! we got called honeymooners which made us giggle. I guess you could call this our honeymoon since we didnt have one!

My original day to leave was sunday, mothers day. I didnt end up getting out of the airport on a plane, but i did manage to get out of there with a handsome man. The trip was delayed a day....... or so i thought.

Monday morning we left again for the airport at 3 am, for the second day in a row. This time there was no other options. i got rolled over on the first flight, then decided to take a flight to miami to get out of the richmond airport. Got to miami, got rolled over twice, which made me miss my connection to chicago until that evening. A half hour before boarding, already being at airports for 17 hours, a lightning storm came in, and all planes became grounded. which then started all the delays..... and eventually cancellations. Hundreds of planes were cancelled and thousands of passengers where left to sleep in the airport. By the time all the planes were cancelled, everything was closed.... no taxi's out of the airport which meant, no body could stay at hotels. They rolled out thousands of cots.

I headed to the USO, outside of security. I stayed the night there with about 100 other military people and families. They provided food, drinks, a safe place to stay.

Morning came quick and after getting back through security, my flights gate changed 6 times. But this time i was guarenteed to get out of there. Phew!

I met a few older (85 year old to be exact ) people that were waiting all night for the same flight. Their enthusiasm and optimistic attitude was catchy! after no grumbling from flight cancellation to sleeping on a cot, they really turned my attitude around.

Last night after 30 hours in an airport and a 5 hour round trip to pick up the kids, i was so happy to see my home!

I worried the whole time because my kids were missing school and everyone had to take care of them.  I felt bad because i couldnt do anything to fix it or change it. Just had to stick it out!

So thank you Mom, Dad and Gram. you guys rescued me and kept the kids safe!!! THank you thank you thank you!

Today the kids are finally in school and their teachers were delighted to see them!

Photo updates.

brian flew us as a family to niagara falls for the day! how awesome was that! 

just being silly in the plane! 

Can you say stressed?!

First bike ride to school of the spring!

The Date Knight.

Hey To ya!

So this week has been really busy & stressful for my hubby, so i wanted to give him a nice relaxing date night.

Wednesday nights are the one night a week that we devote ourselves to "date night" at home. (and since he is so busy, that leaves me with the fun part of planning!) Whether it be wine tasting, beer tasting, playing a game, or like this week, just relaxing with a movie themed date.

I started off the day with texting Brian 3 words. (after i had selected 3 movies that would or could set the theme of the evening). this is the text....

Just to clarify: The electric, one texts was me asking where the air pump was... shut those dirty minds off.

So with DARK being selected, it was then that i would start setting up for that theme..... Can you guess what movie it would be?

If you guessed, the dark knight rises, you would be correct friend!! Since google and pinterest are my friends i had googled a few Ideas. I decided to turn the basement into the "bat cave".....

the sign on the door to the basement.

our bat cups and our dark snack. 

You cant see it very well but i projected a bat
onto the wall from a flash light. it looked pretty rad.

So, when brian learned that we were having a relaxing night, he was all in. Time to shut the brains off, cuddle up and relax. I decided this week wasnt the week to pelt him with lovey dovey questions and cheesy date night stuff. So ..... this turned out to be a great, relaxing evening.

He had one of those silly smiles on his face when i lit up the wicked cool bat mirage on the wall. All i did was cut out a bat and stuck it the the coffee table attached with tape, onto a pencil. (a toothpick or skewer would have worked better).....  then i put the flashlight where i wanted it to make the bat look pretty large and that was it. simple. easy. and oh so nice! 

Batman would have to be, probably my second favorite comic book/ movies (number one is iron man.... because RDJ is fun to watch)... but batman.... Hes ever so elusive, BUT the dark knight rises is my ultimate favorite because... drum roll.... the bad guy BANE is well... none other than tom hardy (who by the way rocks my socks as a hollywood crush) ... i dont know any man that can make that creepy mask sexy. But he does.... haha. 

Bane and the creepy face thing.

Oh Tom. Hardy. 

So anyways, date night was a big hit.... free..... and fun!

I hope everyone has a great finish to their week!

A little Laugh for a Wednesday morning.

Messy & Complicated.

You know what I am not a fan of? I am not a fan of Messiness...... Unjustified Messiness!

No, for once I am not talking about cleanliness. I am talking the mess people make of situations. I am talking taking a simple situation, and turning it into something unrecognizable and mind boggling!  Instead of making things right and 'JUST', things get all messy...then once the situation is  "messy" it becomes complicated and hard to figure out their head from their ass.... like, who is really to blame, what makes most sense, or my current mentality...... WHAT THE FUCK!

Now, once messiness, complications and W.T.F (side note, grammar correction doesn't recognize WTF but it recognizes it with periods. i find that slightly comical.) anyways, once messiness, complications and W.T.F  occurs its hard to decipher whats even going on anymore..whats the battle about..... the "situation" becomes blurred and you are left wondering what the hell happened, and what it all happened for and why.... why the hell.

I know you are all probably wondering what "situation" I am talking about i would like to enlighten you... but, unfortunately I cannot reveal that information as of right now...

But believe me, when i can let this "cat" (more like lion or grizzly bear whichever is scarier to you) out of the bag, you better believe I will be ranting my "little" fanny off.... if not doing more than just ranting.

You know the saying "don't poke a sleeping bear?'" or "don't poke a mama bear?"
Well this "mama (or in this case 'wife') " bear has been poked....and poked hard..... survival instinct is kicking in and a shit storm is about it ensue.

Right now everything in life seems to be just sliding down like a mudslide..... I keep trying to keep my eyes forward and focus on the positives, but it seems like just as i get positive something else happens and  rolls me down the hill hitting some rocks and sticks along the way......

Seems like we just cant win lately.... and i know there are people that have it way harder and have different things going on in their life, and everybody has something... but right now i am "woe is me'ing' (because i can, its my blog.... you dont like it, take a hike.) And as hard as we are "fighting" im left wondering, why are we even fighting, is it even worth it? I mean we are alive, we are happy as our little family, but the other part of me wants to make this persons life a living hell.

Focus on the positives AL..... focus.

Positives:
Brian passed the first portion of his flight instructor test.
Brian graduates with his associates next week.
Slades soaring through school.
BMX racing starts next month.
Im losing my weight and gaining confidence.
We have food. we have a roof. we have love. we have life.

But im still left wanting more. I guess as the popular saying goes.......

"Just Keep Swimming."

Easter

Hey Guys,

 Here are some pictures from our Easter :)

Finding bunny tracks and eggs

darn bunny pooped jelly beans and left tracks

getting ready to find eggs and their baskets

easter egg hidden

pooped on the couch ;)

slade found his gift

kendal found her gift

everyone was so excited

one of slades favorites

good easter! 

You know the saying.......

"If you don't have anything nice to say, Don't say anything at all."

So that is what I am doing.

I'm taking a Facebook break. I'm a bit of a "Debbie downer" as of late, So instead of constantly complaining of whats going on in my life, or reading other peoples drama and getting infuriated with stupid crap that doesn't affect me in the slightest, I decided the best solution was to stay away from it all. I was going to deactivate my account all together until i decided to come back, but with my photography page being linked to my account, i couldn't do that without shutting off my photography page  so that kind of ruined my plans.

I have friends across the world so i decided that shutting myself off from all outlets probably wasn't a good idea; plus writing clears my head and  After all, the long distance friends are the ones whom keep in contact with me most, so keeping my blog up was what i decided i should do.

I think i had gotten lost in the world of Facebook. Constantly checking to see updates or if i had new notifications. It all got tiresome. Facebook isn't real life, its not real friendship, its just a way of staying "in touch" but what about keeping in touch with REAL life. If you are anything like me, your phone is in your back pocket, you have your app downloaded, and any free time you spend sucking up the stupid internet. even if its in short increments, it still adds up.

"i wonder how many people will "like" this picture of my coffee cup on my lap early this morning". " i wonder how many people will comment on my rough morning"... oh pitty me....... see,  i have nothing nice to say. ZIP, LOCK IT, PUT IT IN YOUR POCKET! (as my 6 year old would say).

 I have to be the best support system for my family right now and getting caught up in non-sense was stopping that from happening.

Brian has a very important "life altering" check ride coming up this week. He is cramming all this knowledge into his head and he is away from home 90% of the time, and if he is "home" hes not really with us.... His head is going 90 miles an hour....... If all goes accordingly he will be a flight instructor come next semester. That is a HUGE accomplishment! Not to mention he is still in classes, still taking helicopter lessons, and still has 2 jobs. PLUS he is getting ready for graduation, then starting on his bachelors come fall semester. HUGE.... BUSY....LIFE ALTERING.... OH and STRESSFUL.

The kids only have me (Metaphorically not literally) and i need to be there for them 100% mentally and physically.

 Right now Keni is home with the flu....  I have grocery shopping to do, errands to run, a house to clean and not enough hands. I can't do grocery shopping even though i need to, because i cannot take a sick kid to the store.We Couldnt ride bikes to school like slade wanted because keni didnt have the energy to sustain a bike ride. So not only did i have to deal with hurt feelings, i had to deal with "keni always getting her way". A 6 year old can't really comprehend that a bike ride takes the backseat to a sick kid, and i wasn't favoring one over the other, i was simply trying to be practical and save myself some patience. But who understands that? not him.

My day dream of the bike ride to school went a little like this..... Envision with me..... "kendal with flush cheeks and her feet scuffing the ground with every step and a whining "i dont waaaaant toooooo". Sladen running to his bike yelling with his teeth still together KENDAL HURRY UP AND STOP WHINING!!! Me reaching as high as i can all the while telling them to be nice to eachother, using all my arm strength to get all 3 of our bikes down from the ceiling of the garage. Once down i would have to helmet ken because she wouldnt have enough energy or want. Coax her into getting on her bike and telling her to "move it along" because she would be moving to slow. Half way to school i envisioned a crying (perhaps throwing up) ken, a pissed off slade because we we're going to slow and going to be late, then me frazzled as all heck, trying to get him to school to accommodate his "bike desires". just to get to school to turn around and do that all the way back home.

Doesnt driving just sound easier? Thats what i thought.

So now we are home, and i have a buttload of stuff to get done. Keni is crashed on her bed with frozen playing on the tv and a trash can next to her bed. So in between "spells" i should get what i can accomplished.

I will be back again soon.

Slightly Obsessive?!

Okay so, I always get questions on how i stay current on all my housework. I am far from perfect, I would just like to point that out here in the beginning! plus, your house is only as clean as you want it to be or as clean as you have the time for I should say!!!

I know a few people who have scheduled cleaning days, or on certain days they clean certain things. That works for them, but Thats not how i do things.

Every single day I Vacuum,  Sweep, Do dishes, Wipe counters and do laundry... (on all 3 levels)  Every day,  and most days twice a day. I also have to "make" the couches in the basement. (they have tons of pillows that need to be straight and they each have blankets that cover scratches and stains that cannot have wrinkles.)


Mondays and fridays seem to be my DEEP DEEP cleaning day. Which on those days I mop/steam every mop-able floor, scrub all toilets, sinks, tubs. I put away all laundry in laundry room, i Windex every available windexable surface/mirror/windows. I vacuum the stairs, dust all tables/staircase ledges.

About twice a month or whenever i see fit i degrease my cupboard doors and fridge..... with little kids this is a necessary thing! I also wipe down my walls..... again, with little dirty fingers on flat painted walls, it gets nasty really quickly . I also scrub door handles and light switches.

When  i see something that needs to be done, i just do it. Nothing is set in stone on when i clean and what i clean. its how i see fit....I cannot sit and look at dirt, grime and or nastiness.

Sometimes i see it as a problem and often it gets "viewed" as overly anal, and i feel bad for my kids because i am constantly walking behind them cleaning up their parking lots of hotwheels and trails of toys... I try to delay the "picking up" behind them as long as i can, but its never "long enough" for them.

I clean while im in the shower, i clean while the kids bathe, i clean while i do pretty much everything.

Heres where i am imperfect. My closet. Now... i do not hang my clothes. I fold them, but they eventually end up in piles on the bottom of my closet floor. i do know where everything is, but its not tidy, not even close... but those doors are closeable and noone sees it.  THis drives brian bonkers, but again.... i am not perfect!

My second imperfection is i have a junk cupboard and stacks of papers on the fridge. is it borderline hoarding... nah. But its one of my "quirks".

If i cannot clean up the poptart crumbs off the table before i head to drop the kids off for school in the morning, i close all the curtains in the house so any "passerbys" cannot see the messy situation that awaits my arrival back home.

Nothing is left out for very long... i was just raised that way. I cannot handle messiness. Drives me crazy. absolutely crazy.

So i guess thats just how i run my house.......

"Spanx" You!

Spanx... my security blanket..... similar to linus on charlie brown, i do not go far without my spanx, as linus doesnt go to far without his blanket.

If you know me well enough, you know that my body self esteem is a lack there of! The one thing that makes me self confident in clothes, is my beloved spanx. 

If you know me well enough, you know that i have struggled with weight basically my whole life. Big bones i always say..... I got the Wrong "genes" in the family. I eat a single potato chip and feel my ass cheeks grow.... But i work with what i got.... A big ass and a nice rack. (yep i said it).

However, if you know me well enough, you know that i have been eating clean and healthy these last few weeks. My stubborn fat is melting away and i have become alot more comfortable with leaving my spanx on the bathroom floor.....

Jean sizes are going down, fat handles are getting smaller. Shoot, i even can feel my ribs when i lay down..... and it is putting a gigantic smile on my face... why?! because i love who i am and what i look like.

Even at my smallest i havent been 100% comfortable, but spanx gave me that comfort, until now. I love me, and my body. However imperfect it shall be.

I am learning to love my body. Sounds cheesy, i know this. But its true. Someone i love very much pointed out my confidence level........ When i was in high school i knew i was cute. I knew i had a somewhat cute body, and i "flaunted" my best parts. somewhere along the way, i lost the confidence that made me who i was. Whether it be because of sudden weight gain, or stretch marks....... that confidence flew away in the wind. stuck in a tree like an old kite on easter morning. 

Comparing yourself to other people isnt fair to yourself. Take your best parts and focus on that!

Regaining my self confidence has been quite the process. However fast i lost it (my confidence), its coming back just as fast. I may not be the "perfect" crayon in the box, but i am me, and damn, that is just enough. 

I always have my hair looking "decent".... almost always have makeup on and decent clothes. I sure am cute.... why yes, im damn cute as i shoot a smile to myself in the mirror.

Personality says alot about a person, but a stranger cant see your personality, they see the way you carry yourself. If you arent carrying yourself the way you want to be seen then why even try? You know what i am talking about...... If you love yourself, others will too. 

Take for example. The mom who wears a sweatshirt 2 sizes too small, hair all messy, yoga pants and slippers to walk their kids into school, or better yet PICKING them up, what does that say to you about them? that they are a busy mom? yes. But is that showing their kids anything? take care of yourself, and your kids will do the same. Run yourself down, and well, your kids will do the same.

Im not saying full makeup and stilettos are what you should pick/drop off your kid in, but take care of yourself. comb your hair, put mascara on.... flaunt yourself :)

Also, if you know me well enough you know i am not being harsh or judgmental. I do not think i am better than anyone.... Im just pointing out a few things that i have learned.

So Take the things you like most about yourself, and start to LOVE them. flaunt where you can. 

I may not be a size zero, but i can rock these jeans and boots. Even if you dont look PERFECT, if you LOVE The way you look, you will look THAT much better! 

Now i know i am not anyone who is important or worth giving advice, but i do know a few things and if i can help myself regain my confidence, just maybe i can shed a little bit of light to someone who needs it as well. 

Mike, Mike mike mike, What day is it?!?!

HUMP DAY!
Well hello YOU!

Well today is Wednesday..... My absolute favorite day of the week. "Why?!" you may ask? well because its at home date night of course!

This whole "dating" experience is quite invigorating! Now since I am the one who stays home and "keeps the house" I plan these date nights so he can just enjoy and look forward to it. I have a whole list of at home dates prepared........

Last week i went out and individually picked out a 6 pack of beers. Now, he likes LIGHT beer and i like DARK and REDS so we had to meet somewhere in the middle. The whole process was so much fun for me. I went to our favorite liquor store ... wait for it.... SHOUT OUT to the BEVERAGE company... any who's it..... as I was standing there staring as if the beer was just going to jump into my hand, I asked the great lady whom is always working..... "what type of beer would you recommend? " she replies with " what type do you normally like?" i say..." well he is strictly LIGHT, no compromise, and well i like to taste just about everything , but i gravitate to darker, malted beer".....

She takes a glance at the beers in my arms with her arms tightly crossed,  she then loosens them and waves them towards me gasping as she grabs at the beer...... " OH HONEY, YOU DONT WANT TO SCARE HIM!" and she takes 2 of the beers away and starts just making grumbling noises as she fidgets and sorts through the cooler grabbing out of the "perfect choices". Shew! Thank you kind lady, i dont really want to scare my husband into liking other beer.... please dont let him cheat on ole buddy!

So i proceed to pay for her choices....... and with a smile on my face I say "thank you, you helped alot".... she waves a kind wave as she pushes her glasses that are on a beaded neck chain from the tip of her nose to the bridge "good luck honey and have fun!" ...... "oh i sure will!"

 i love people who try to get to know you!

Once home, brian finishes watching a movie with the kids while i prepare the date. I put white paper over the labels of the beer so that even i wont know which is which then i numbered them. I even tried not to read the labels so that it was pretty much a surprise for me as well. Once labeled I numbered them and set them on our living room tray. I cut up some meat and cheeses and put crackers out..... I stoked the electric fire (it was a bitchin' fire)...... and waited on the couch until the kids were all tucked in from their daddy. Finally.......

Once he sat down, it was like "well hello stranger, glad to see you"..... we just started chatting about our day and gradually started trying them out...... Now i try to commit, and not give up, but WOAH some of those beers were FAR from delicious..... One tasted like i put a nozzle into a pine tree and let the sap drip into my glass...... Fricker, that was disappointing because the label looked tasty!

I guess what i am trying to say is that even when it is the simplest display or "date".... you can make it fun. It doesnt have to be elaborate or expensive, it just has to have love in it and it will be fun!

Date nights are my favorite night of the week..... gives something to look forward  to, even if we are just staying home, it gives you something more than the daily routine to connect.

Tonights date is going to be fun............ You'll have to read about it sometime.

Nothing is perfect, you just have to keep trying!

Recently I have stumbled upon something that shook up my life, my world. And i want to share it with you, because i feel like i lost sight of whats most important and now that i figured it out, maybe other people need some insight, and if my words can help, i will put them out there. im putting myself out there.

Sometimes when we are so comfortable and know something is for certain, and  you know deep down nothing will ever change that, you decide that it is okay to set it on the back burner because you will ALWAYS have it when you NEED it, other things need attention far more than a relationship (your first thought, but let me tell you, it is not the correct thought).Auto pilot switch gets put on and you plug along.

That thought of  "i can fix it tomorrow......" FIX IT TODAY! 

Kids get sick, homework needs done, dog barfs on carpet, guinea pig eats sons favorite coloring page, dughters toothbrush falls in the toilet and her world has just ended. Floor needs mopped again, laundry is never ending, work needs you in early, dinner needs to be finished... heaven forbid you didnt wash that blue shirt.... you get it, the list never ends, and you lose focus. you lose patience, and you lose yourself. 

you turn yourself so far inside that you have nowhere to turn.

Then one day you look up..... and what you thought was there, is no longer the same. That warm smile you once sought is now a frown. Those warm hands are no longer warm. Your eyes get opened, and you learn that you need to do what it takes to make what you love most in life, top priority. 

When you have  kids, a job, a husband in school full time with multiple jobs plus the military, and bills to pay. You have school events, house to clean and dinner to cook, your focus gets set on other things. After a long day you barely have the energy to pull the blankets up to your chin at night, let alone try to have a conversation (or more) with your "person". PLEASE DONT EVER FORGET THAT CONVERSATION! 

Before kids, your focus is solely on your "person". Greeting them when they get home, focusing on all their hard work and triumphs, giving kudos when needed and appreciated. You are by their side everywhere they go. You take the time to give your all because they are the only other person to give it to.... Until you have kids. Then you struggle with who to greet first, who to hug first, who will be your focus first. Whos needs are more important? Don't ever question it, that "person" was first, and that "person" will be there for you when those kids grow up and leave you. That person needs your attention... not only does that person NEED it, they DESERVE it. and YOU deserve to be the one to give it to them.

When you are a mother, your instinct is to show your kids all your love, and attention. You devote every waking moment to those little human beings. But why do we forget about the person who helped create them? Why do they get put last? Or better question, why do YOU get put last? Why compromise your own happiness? Please dont let that happen. Putting your "person" first (and yourself), shows your children a strong relationship, it gives them something to aspire to, it gives them comfort, dont forget that, not for one second. 

Dont forget how important that person is to you.
Dont push them aside or make them fight for your attention. It isnt fair to anyone. Not you, not them, and not your kids.

Dont let those butterflies fly away. Take the time you need and deserve with your person. Tell them how proud you are of them, dont just assume they know, MAKE IT FELT! remember when you used to see something in a store that made you think of your "boyfriend/girlfriend" and you bought it just to surprise them and put a smile on their face?  or you felt the urge to swat their butt or kiss their forhead? or hug them from behind when they were too cute while doing the dishes or cooking dinner? well dont stop! never stop!

 Words are comforting, and you need to use them.

 Hug them the way you did when it was just the two of you. 

Kiss them passionately.

Tell them how proud you are of them! 

 Take time to talk about your days.  

Make your relationship FIRST. 

Make your relationship COUNT.

When i finally looked up from my busy life stupor, the one person i needed most, i had pushed aside like an old teddy bear. That teddy that you took every where and slept with every night, until more important things came along and you out grew it; but you still kept it tucked away because you knew you needed it in some way shape or form, someday that teddy would await you with open arms.... Until it doesn't. 

Talk about eye opening!!! 

Dont make your person compete for your attention.

No relationship is perfect. Not a single one. Its not supposed to be. 

Its also not supposed to be easy.

Its not supposed to be put on the back burner or auto pilot.
Its supposed to be work, and worth every ounce of it.

A relationship is meant to have its ups and downs. Its supposed to teach you, and let you grow together, but the key is TOGETHER....so let it. Treat it the way you did when you first started dating.

I am speaking for myself when i say that i thought i was being a horrible mother if i asked someone to watch the kids for a night or a few hours so that way my husband and I could have some time together. Who gives their kids away?! i would always think to myself. Boy was i wrong!! give those kids away for a few hours, or even a night or 2. ITs not only helping you and your relationship, but it lets your children have a bond with someone other than their mommy and daddy. You have a support system for a reason....  USE IT! 

There are people there to greet your kids with open arms so that you can nurture what is truly most important in your life. but the only other person to do that for you, is YOU. Yes, your partner is whats MOST important. May sound selfish, or harsh, but it is the truth! 

Love your person as much as you can! show them how much they mean to you. Tell them you love them everyday because love is much more than just a feeling, its a process. 

Keep your eyes open, and dont look down. Look forward! 

Make the necessary changes before its too late or before you pushed too hard.

Its so easy to point fingers, and place the blame on one another for who is putting in less effort or who messed things up, but regardless how the ball dropped, it dropped! so pick it back up! please dont place blame, because even if you werent the one who dropped the ball, you let it fall, so its your fault as well.

I am thankful that my eyes were opened. I am thankful for my amazing husband and my relationship, as imperfect as it may be, i am still proud of where we are, and how long we have stood together through everything thrown our way. I am confident and excited for the future. we will be those old people we smile at while passing.............

"clear eyes, full hearts, cant lose!"