The path less traveled......

When you have to sit at home all by yourself every evening while you kids are fast asleep, you find yourself doing a lot of thinking and soul searching. You find yourself looking at the big picture of what god has laid out, and what is in store to come next. You tend to over analyze, and re think every decision. Having free time to yourself is sometimes a burden, because if you are anything like me, that brain, NEVER shuts off. But sometimes, its for good reasons......

Today as I laid on the futon mattress strategically placed in front of the tv, listening to Kendal babbling away in her crib, awaiting that morning kiss and smile.... I just lay there, smiling myself, thinking about how far I have come since I have been by alone with the kids, in 4 and a half short months.... How much growth progress I have made, and Self confidence I have gained. How many hard times and struggles I have had to face head on, and how many life milestones I have seen without the eyes of Brian right next to me. I am proud of myself. I never thought that I couldn't do this, but there are always doubts. When brian is around, I am a very Dependent person. He fixes everything, and He is my GO TO person.....Without him here, you figure out other ways to do things and i have realized how to do things on my own. Although its been a hard, sweat, stress and tear- filled process, its been worth it. Way more than "worth it". I needed this for myself. We've needed it for our marriage. And the kids needed this to see me grow.

Before Brian left for deployment, we done everything as a family. Brian is my right hand man. He equally parents and manages our marriage. I couldn't have picked a better man. But he has always been for himself. He kept his hopes and dreams alive as mine fizzled and unraveled . Before he left we had sat down and talked where i poured out things to him that i had never admitted feeling, i always repressed them to stay strong and stand behind his decisions and be proud of him being so successful. But with me being behind him and pushing him to his goals, my goals and aspirations became a distant thought in my mind, and what was causing the main thought in my mind-- Im only going to be a mother and a wife. I wont have a career to make my children proud of me. What if Keni sees me as "just" a stay at home mom, with no career, serving the family and thats what she would inspire to be? why isnt that good enough for her, but its good enough for me? Brian told me at that point and time that he didnt know i felt that way, but after that conversation was over, i thought that was as far as it was going to go....

While he's been on deployment, he has been doing character building "classes" and "finding" himself. He has encouraged me to go go school, and gave up on his big dreams and settled for smaller, so that we BOTH can be successful, and happy. For him to do this, is huge. For him to think about both of us and not just his "big" picture that the future holds, is leaps and bounds. He is something else. I want to say that Brian is a great family man. His kids and I are his world, but his dreams are very important to him almost more important than family, im not saying that dreams shouldnt be that way, but they are called "dreams" for a reason. And for him to pick something more tangible than being a commercial pilot, so that i can reach my goal of becoming "something", makes me happier than ever to be standing by the husband I have.

So to move on to a different subject since most of you are probably on the verge of vomiting from me talking about my husband, I will change the topic to my amazing children!

When we moved out here, things were different. I was a control freak (as i still am but i will explain why things have changed a bit).... Sladen never had stayed over at someone elses house WITHOUT me before we moved here except maybe once or twice. But its been a weekly thing where he will stay with my parents or brians gram for a night. He thinks that this is the coolest thing since sliced bread and he feels like he is "something else" when i allow him to call them and ask to spend the night. He feels very independent and it has been great for the bonds he has formed with those individuals. As hard as it was at first to let my baby go, the smiles on all their faces when i arrive to pick him up the next day are amazing. To hear him describe in detail what he had done over the course of the previous day makes me beam with pride. I know he loves  me, and he makes me know that by squeezing the life out of me, or shooting me that "thank" you smile when i greet him. I miss him like crazy when he is gone, and i am bored out of my mind, but it is good for him to have other figures in his life to rely on and bond with. The "man" time he gets with my dad takes the place of what brian can't do right now. I am thankful for the amazing support I have around me. With out it, i would have been a goner. the passed 4.5 months has given me so much to be thankful for, and see that there IS a reason this deployment is happening.

When brian left Keni had 4 teeth, working on 6. When he left she was just starting to become a pro at crawling. She also was still on baby food and bottles. Not pulling herself up yet or any of that! My how things have changed. She is going to be a different little girl when daddy lays eyes on her for the first time. I would say she was bald when he left and when he gets back she'll have hair, but then i would be lying. i guess there are some things that dont change!

So i guess what i was trying to write about in this blog was that as a family of 3 right now, we have grown. we have characteristics about ourselves that we didnt have before. We have a sense of independance and growth that we didnt have before. We have a new found love and NEED for Brian. When things get taken away from us, for just this short period of time, it makes us realize who and what we really need in our lives, and it gives us a new sense of appreciation for what we have, and for what we want.

I am thankful for this deployment. I look at it as it was needed. Brian and I had a strong relationship before he left. But we have a new sense of appreciation for eachother. As close to a bullet proof marriage as we can make it, i would say. He can look at me and be proud at the things i have acomplished, and I can do the same for him. I am proud of the man he is. I am proud of what he does for the Navy and for us. I am proud to be married to him for the REST of my life. And dammnit, I am proud of myself as well!

Time marches on!

Hi everyone!

Well, we sure are counting down the time for moving day! My ducks are starting to line up in a row, and soon we will be Virginia Beach bound, for yet another move to add to our list, making slades current total of moves since birth.... drum roll please.......8 moves and he is 4. yes my friends, 8 moves! We are very optimistic for this move, and for once i am not stressing out. All things happen for a reason, its always my mentality for thinking, so I am just trying to let it all roll off my shoulders and enter this with a level head. There is a lot to do, a lot to handle, but i am confident that with my amazing support system, it CAN be done! My dad and grandfather are driving me and the kids to our new home. they are towing a trailer and filling my dads truck, as well as filling my truck. I have alot of stuff to move, and I am ever so grateful for the people in my life.

This week has had a lot happen in just 5 short days. One of which was my sister. She had a very scary episode on wednesday morning. She was stricken with stroke like symptoms. she couldnt talk without sluring, she couldnt walk, her limbs were numb, and she had memory loss. Thankfully it turned out to be a migraine headache. It is a "specific" kind of migraine, but i cannot think of the proper word so i am not going to guess. It starts with an H. It is an actually condition, and thankfully she is okay. The kids and I went out to stay with her and her family for a night to help out. It was a great stay and it was very much needed. It felt good to help my sister out.

I cannot describe how great i feel ever since my thyroid meds have been prescribed. I have so much energy. I feel like my old self. I have not felt this much like me since we moved here. i am happy and relieved to know that my old self is back. i think there are a lot of others who feel the same way. I will admit, i was acting strange, but i couldnt get out of it. but i am back. Brian called to talk to me today and He said that it is really great to hear me sound so good. its noticable in my voice that i feel really good. That is a huge sense of relieve to me!

Today I had a doctors appointment for my endometriosis. I will be having a laparoscopic surgery done a week from today. I am extremely calm, and ready for it. what i am not ready for is other people taking care of me and my kids until i can again. I am also not looking forward to that gas they pump you full of to do the procedure. but it has to be done, so i am ready and willing. Its a simple procedure that doesnt take very long so noone be alarmed. recovery time is only a couple of days so i will be up and running in no time!

Well i guess I was the CENTER of this blog. Hmm.... its all about me. haha.
Everyone have a wonderful weekend!!

Time is of the essence.

Wow well, Quite a bit has happened here at the "Houts" Hold while i had a minor hiatus on blogging. No real reason why i haven't blogged except that I didn't feel like it, or when i did feel like it i was busy and didn't have the time to sit at the computer and type while the kids are doing only god knows what.... So i wait until times likes these; when Kendal is sleeping and Sladen is enjoying his evening movie and Hot-wheels in peace, without the terrorizing sister kicking through his parking lot or sitting on his towers. He is ever so patient, but he LOVES his alone time.

So lets get started.

Kendal and Slade had their doctor yearly checkups. They are doing great and growing like little weeds... Cuter weeds than dandelions, but weeds none the less!  I guess thats what happens when you feed and water them with healthy foods and drinks! Which leads me to slades nook jar that seems to be filling right up! He is eating those fruits and vegetables like a champ! He says he's going to be big and strong like daddy. That he is my friends....That he is!

Kendal is cutting 2 of the last 4 teeth in. Seems like these 4 teeth have been giving her a run for her money. its almost like they keep playing a mean game of hide and go seek. Except there are no giggles coming from this game! Just a lot of painful days and nights, and  alot of restless, sleepless nights. I will be thankful when the teeth are through and I know she will be too! Her vocabulary is getting quite large. I mean how large can it be at a year old? but you know what i mean. She says things like please, thank you, welcome, papa, bubby, momma, da da, bert, yes, no......  (now let me explain something... she is not an "on command" type of gal. She is "do at my own leisure and pace" type of gal. ) So are these words always flowing? no. Does she call me a liar sometimes? yes. BUT she CAN say them, and she DOES know them! She just inherited the stubborn genes from her....... FATHER. ha! She is doing really great. When you tell her to do something, she knows what it is and does it. she is a pretty smart young lady. She can eat with silver ware and she prefers them. not like her caveman brother who was born in a barn and chooses not to use the shiny silverware.

Now the caveman brother is doing really well. he is so independent; and he thrives off of it. We got him walkie talkies for his birthday, and i let him play out in the backyard if he takes one with him. He plays out there, i radio in to him "what are you doing?" or if he's not in window sight i say "i cant see you, move where i can see you"....and he does. He just plays out there knowing that he is such a big boy. That makes me smile. he's so independent and growing so much. He is no longer my baby, but my Little man! He is really excited to get settled in virginia beach to get started at pre-school. he is MORE than ready!

So packing has started and time is running short. We have 18 days left here in michigan. And its real bitter sweet. We get to move into our new house and set it up before daddy gets home, and we have visitors already planning dates to come on by. We are getting excited, and the calender is filling up!  but its going to be hard to leave our family and friends, yet again. Its going to be hard to up root the kids from people they see on a daily and weekley basis....But that is the name of the game, and i am fortunate to have such loving and understanding parents. They help me BEYOND believe and without them and help from grandma kay,  i would have been lost through this process. They kept me afloat and I am forever grateful.

Moving plans are being set into motion and its becoming "real life...."

I have had dr's appointments and I am getting my body straightened out. I am on thyroid medication and it is bringing me back to life and out of my lazy slump. My body is still trying to get used to the medication, but i can tell it is working. Thank goodness. I also have another appointment to try and get my endometriosis evaluated and get it under control. I am in a lot of pain and it is very uncomfortable. in due time...... in due time.

Brian is doing really well, and he seems to be enjoying his time on deployment now that he is back to the squadron. He looks really great and seems to be in good spirits. He called me this week and that gave me my weekly husband boost! haha. That is one amazing man!

Alright well, its time for me to close this thing off. Im sure I have left quite a bit out. I will try and blog again soon. Until then, Love to you all and Enjoy the fall weather, isnt it wonderful?!