While growing up my vision of what a mom does was always so vivid, it was such a glamorous and fun life to think and wonder about. I couldn't wait to start my own family and be a mother, a stay at home mom to be exact!
How amazing it would be!
Cooking dinner, taking care of the kids and welcoming the husband home from a long day of work with a beer in my hand ready to hand over to him, Hair and makeup precise, apron on, and dinner on the table still steaming hot and perfectly cooked; all the while the kids are quietly playing ever so nicely in their bedrooms so dad and i can talk about our days then call the kids to dinner.
Glamorous turned exhausting in 1.2 seconds!
Newborn & toddler days spent completely exhausted, running on zero sleep with spit up in my hair, bottle after bottle, dirty diaper explosions, eating cheerios off of the highchair while feeding the baby because i was far too tired to prepare a meal for myself- cheerios oughta do it! Forget human interaction! Forget that perfect vision of how married life with a baby would be! Its gone, bye bye, forget about it. Someday it would get easier. Just pray!
Toddler & preschool days spent filling up milk cuppies and tripping over hotwheels that were left on the floor. Doing laundry load after load like the hamper is a mary poppins bag of never ending stinky socks. Watching and re-watching cars- to the point you can rehearse the movie in any room of the house while being exactly on point with where the characters currently are-- even if you cant even hear the volume on the TV. Driving to playdates to get that second of sanity even though you know its going to turn into kids arguing, moms yelling over top of the kids to pretend they arent actually there just so you can get a real conversation in. Dinner would end up on the table when hubby would get home, perfect and hot? thats debatable. Sometimes i would look nice, most of the time you are covered in cheese puffs, random stickies and boogers and hair in a "mom knot" but the day was an accomplishment. Sweet baby-Jesus is it bedtime?
Pre-school and grade school is MUCH MUCH easier, Its looking up mama! Its looking up! Still stepping on hotwheels, still that mary poppins hamper, still filling milk glasses, but finally... finally that glamorous mom life has arrived. I now look nice. I now wear makeup and do my hair. Dinner is hot on the table. Never do i wear an apron, and i never hand him a beer when he walks in the door but most of the time its waiting for him on the table. Kids are NEVER playing quietly in their rooms and theres never a minute to discuss our days without interruption but being a mom is absolutely amazing.
Is it glamorous to be a mother? No.
But it is so, so, so rewarding.
I always knew that once both of my kids were in school, i would focus on ME.
I dabbled with the idea a few years ago, that i would still stay at home even when the kids started school. I would keep the house tidy, have dinner prepared and focus on the home front. The typical "olden days" outlook on husband/wife/mom life..... Until I got my first job since i birthed slade & kendal. My first job in 5 years. We were in a pinch for money... Brian was going to school full time and it was my turn to step up and provide.
I have never been one to shy away from working. Im a very hard worker, having a job or 2 at the same time is always how i have been since graduating and moving on my own. Manual/physical labor doesnt scare me... Its something i look forward to.
I got the sweet taste of doing something for myself. I found a job where i felt like.... ME. Going to work was a sense of accomplishment. Sure, it was hard squeezing in time for the kids and right when slade came home from school, i rushed to work because i worked evenings & weekends. IT was very hard at first. Hard on me. Hard on slade. Hard on all of us. But its what needed to be done.
The reward outweighed the negatives.
I was giving the kids something to look up to me as. Something more than "just a mom". No doubt that my mom title is the best title that could have ever been given to me. But i was showing them a hardworking mother, and succeeding in something was wonderful for them to see.
Balance is whats hard. Balancing work life & home life. What days/events to request off, which ones are "worth" missing and what ones are necessary.
But a working "me" defines me.
Now i LOVE my job. It might "just" be bath and body works, but i LOVE my job.
When i was faced with quitting because of brians new job, i was crushed. devestated and somewhat angry.... but again, it was something that needed to be done; Especially when daycare is NOT an option for us. I WILL be the one to take care of my kids. (nothing against day care, i mean no offense to anyone... sometimes its the only option a family has, and its totally understandable, but its not something i want. The way i look at it is what i would be making while working a minimum wage job, would go directly to the daycare for doing what i can be doing. Now higher paying jobs i see the benefit.) Having a few months off left me with the WHOLE summer to be with my kids. How awesome it turned out to be. We got to be carefree all summer with no responsibilities (the kids and I). But now, as they are both in school full days its my time.
Getting re-hired at BBW was so awesome. I left on good terms and it deemed me rehire-able. My boss works with my schedule so i can work days, and be home in time to pick up the kids from school. No weekends. What a wonderful place/company to work for. There are opportunities down the line with the company.
Having my own job. My own paycheck. I am going to work for ME. Its ALL ME when im at work. The accomplishments i make, i have done completely on my own. I can have adult interaction and enjoy working. I can't tell you how much this job means to me. I feel like a whole different person when i am working. Im happy, im confident. Im... well.... ME.
Yesterday was my first day back. I couldn't wipe my smile off. I had my apron on, i was testing new product and interacting with customers. Sure, i was a tad off my game and discombobulated in a new store but all in all it felt AMAZING!!! As my boss was describing my duties to me when i clocked in i just keep smiling and my heart was beating fast. I was so giddy and excited. I know it may sound silly to some of you because it isnt a PRIME job or a "career" in the eyes of some, but for me, it is. I can see myself being a manager.... I would be totally content with running a store of my own one day. Its not about the job, its about loving yourself in the job you are in. And boy do i love myself as a bath and body works employee.
It was like the first day of school all over again. Something i looked forward to and counted down to.
Life is about doing what makes you happy! and so far, i have done what works for me and makes me happy and my family as well.
I stayed at home with the kids when it was crucial i be there for them. All hours of every day.
I now work while they are in school and that makes me happy and its crucial for ME as a mother and as a wife.
I am happy with where life has lead me. I guess the whole point of this blog today is how life isnt always what you expect it to be, its all about how YOU make it to be. As long as YOU are happy thats what matters most.
Focus on YOURSELF. You spend more than enough time on your children & husband. You make sure they always have what they need so why not do the same for yourself.
You are your priority. So fix it. If you're happy, they will be too.
