A distant Memory!

Well hello!

Time is going by so fast. The light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter and brighter! It seems like not that long ago we were preparing for Brian to leave us, And now we are preparing for Him to come home!

Several months ago, it was a horrible thought to even think of him leaving us.It was a thought that would bring me to tears and anxiety attacks. It was a tear jerker, and a heart stabber. Just the thought of him not being around was hard. But now, since we have been going through it for this long, it seems like it was a million years ago. all those scary thoughts were wooshing by, and there is no longer "what ifs" but "we knows". We now know what it is like to go through a deployment. We know what it is like to be away from our best friend, and he knows what it is like to watch his kids grow from afar and I know what its like to be a single parent for a very short amount of time. Its all not easy, but its easier to understand since we are living it.

Everything I feared for him being gone, pretty much happened, and we made it out alive.... well..... so far. And i feel like everything we have encountered, gave me a better grip on life and a better understanding as to what and who we really love.

Some Things i didnt have prior too Bri's deployment, is Noticeable grey hairs! HOLY HELL! they are so silver and so noticeable, now i know i am getting older, but come on, im not that old. Even though brian tells me I am farting dust, not quite!  I wouldnt assume it is stress related?! :) These kids aren't stressful in the least bit! Another thing i didnt have was a mountain of patience. I feel like my patience level grew immensely. Another thing, Before Brian left i used to HATE being home alone. I hated it with a passion, and well tossing me in the fire helped me out a lot with that. When brian worked nights I couldnt fall asleep, i would try to wait up until he got home, if i tried to wait until he got home this whole deployment to sleep i would be dead. so you just learn. And now it seems so silly that i was so afraid before!! i would never have kept blinds open at night before deployment. Contrary to what you think, there are no boogie monsters! who would have thought?!

Murphy turned out to visit me quite often, and especially this passed month. Anything and everything that CAN happen, WILL happen. Its the name of the game.... but you never really expect it all to happen, at once, or within a short period of time, but it does. Its crazy the things you can endure and still remain sane! It seems like its the little things that make you break down, when the big things that happen such as an oven fire just cruise on by and you dont focus on what could have happened, you just move forward.

Ive learned alot these passed months. I wouldnt necessarily say I WANT to do it again, but i am thankful for this process. It gave me tools that i was missing, it gave me confidence, and it let me grow. I am more independent and i believe in myself. I know the things I am capable of.

6 months ago  I would have NEVER yanked out a fork out of the garbage disposal, no way! i would have waited for brian to get home from work. 6 months ago I would never put up curtain rods or fix bikes, those too would have waited for daddy to get home!  I wouldnt have drove places i didnt know where i was going. I would have never learned the strength that i truely have. It however, does not mean that once he gets home I wont need him to do things, because I will. It does mean that I will sleep sounder with a "strong man" in the house. But knowing that i gave the kids comfort and showed them the strength that i had and gave it my all is what makes me proudest.  I was a mommy and a daddy all in one, but i will be more than willing to give that daddy role back once he steps off that ship and onto the pier!

I was and am fortunate enough to have one amazing man coming home to me and his wonderful kids. He has done his best to keep track on the kids and to take the important steps to remain in their lives, and In mine. He never once shut us off or took his deployment as time away from us... physically YES, mentally NO. He spends his ports in a library or with wifi, or at the computer lab, skyping us as many times as he can. For that I am thankful. Its worth the 30 dollars for him to call us once every few weeks. He's an amazing man and I we are BLESSED to have him in our lives. But I too think he is blessed to have us. Not too toot my own horn, but "beep, ba, beep beep beep!!!!!!