Can you ever just be "whelmed?"

" I know you can be underwhelmed, and you can be overwhelmed, but can you ever just be Whelmed?"

Thats a line from one of my favorite movies....  But today i am feeling  so overwhelmed that a day of just nothing would be just great to me. Now this isnt going to be a "feel sorry" for myself blog, but its not going to be a HAPPY blog either. So if you arent up to hearing it, go up to the browser and type in www.facebook and go back to other drama, if you wanna read on, be my guest. This is just going to be a blank screen that i will fill with my words that are floating around in my mind today, hopefully making it exit my brian, onto the interweb, will make me feel better and clear my brain.

Here goes nothing.

Today, on a monday, which are never fun reguardless, slade is sick so he is home from school. He is far from sick.... he just has a low grade fever and they arent to be sent to school "under the weather" so he gets to stay home, not sick, but not able to go to school. How i know he is not sick you ask? well because he is fighting with his sister every chance he gets. He is not my problem child, my 2 year old is.... but she instigates him to a point where his inner monster comes out, and today, sadly, is one of those days.

My brain is swamped.

I have an uncontrollable- i want to cry all day feeling. And all i wanted was a 5 minute shower to just close my eyes and enjoy the peace that a steamy shower would bring to me, but it wasnt even close to what i recieved. While in the shower i had to break up a fight about a blue crayon that they both wanted, sis tried pouring herself a glass of gatorade which resulted in the whole bottle being spilled on my freshly mopped floor.... the dog went bonkers because there was someone at the neighbor house and apperantly encrouched to closely for her likings. The guinea pig got loose, and kendal "POOOOOOOOOOPED"...... and in this house, when keni poops, you know.... she just yells from the comfort of the toilet until someone comes to wipe her biscuits. so 3 hops out of the shower and shampoo in my hair once, i finally got to call it "good" and get out.

I get out to the kids trying to make themselves a sandwich. now "aww they are just trying to help" you are probably saying to yourself, but on a day where you already feel like you cant take anymore, its just a burdon. There they are standing at the cupboard with their little smiles as they have cheese and meat all over the place and dipping their butter knives in and out of the mayo jar. they are so happy that they did it themselves, without asking, before lunch, is about as far from happy as i could have gotten today. but i braved a smile as i just wanted to scream in my head. So i helped them finish and get up to the table to eat. Silence is what I recieved.....

But as i went to the bedroom to just take a minute, i had a heap of laundry staring at me on my unmade bed that my husband decided to toss there for me to fold while he was getting ready for school this morning. He needed the dryer to unwrinkle something, and i get a fricken heap of wrinkly clothes to fold, and put away at my nearest convienience....... how thoughtful.

Getting a job wasnt something i wanted, but when i got it i LOVED getting away for a bit. I worked A TON during the holiday season and now my hours dwindled. I got used to be gone, i got used to the working mom life, and now, stuck in the house because of the yucky weather and sickness, i have cabin fever, or trailer fever. I just want to go to work. Full time. come home to make dinner for my family...... bring in a paycheck more than 55 dollars again. I know, cry me a river right?

We are pinching pennies and  there isnt anything that gives me more knots in my back and more anxiety attacks than this. I just stress. "give it to god" is what i am told, but boy it is rough. I just want a disposeable income again..... i want insurance that actually covers us again and we dont have medical bills anymore. The grass is always greener everyone says, and boy is that the truth.  you'd think after 6 months i would have adjusted by now, but it seems to be farther than the truth.

I love my kids more than myself, my husband makes me happy, and i do love our little life in our little trailer, but somedays, just as today is, is so overwhelming.... so hard to deal with. but then those little voices make up for it when you least expect it.

There are worse things that could be happening to us, and i understand that. we could be facing horrible things right now, and the worse we are facing is pinching pennies, i should just suck it up and count my blessings. That is just what i am going to do.

writting this just cleared my head and i am ready to give this day a second chance. Thanks for all of you who stuck with me and read this. it sure did help me to do this.

I hope everyone has a great monday, now i am going to try to finish my day with a smile.