Today I am taking day off from the challenge. But i am going to write a blog about something that will be changing our life. I told my close friends out here, and SOME family know, so now its time to update and tell everyone else....
As some of you know, brian is up for re-enlistment.... We have been swooshing this around in our mouths for a long time now, and we thought we had made a decision on staying here in virginia beach and signing for another 2 years. But that all changed. I was trying to be okay with saying goodbye to brian for another 10 months to a year. He brought up going IA and that is a year, on foot, and I am just not okay with that If i can prevent it. I was trying to wrap my head around Brian missing most of slades first grade expirience and possibly pre-school for sis. He's missed so much already, and Ive grown so much already, that I think its necessary for my heart to start to settle down. I just couldnt wrap my head around my deployments. Call me weak, call me what you will, but it isnt easy! When you have everything given to you-- medical insurance, housing, income, steady job-- you say to yourself, you'd be STUPID to get out. Getting out to NOTHING--BUT you miss births of your neice/nephews. You miss growing with the family who raised you. You miss your friends who know you like the back of your hand, and you start to lose connections, and you feel like you no longer belong in part of that. You feel like you have no responsibilities and you can lose who you are. Im not talking for everyone, so as i say YOU im meaning that in my brain, im telling myself all of this. This is no offense to anyone who is in the same shoes as I, and are deciding to make a career out of military, because there is SO much in it for you! Its just not for ME. So please keep this in mind, that its just about MY decisions and my families way of thinking, not everyone else.
When Brian and I were making our "life" plan, MILITARY was NEVER on that plan. Not a thought in either of our minds, until our life took a wrong turn and we made horrible mistakes. So the mindset of living away from everything i have ever known was never thought about, because i never thought i would have to. I didn't marry into the military, it was a choice that was made after being together for 9 years. so joining and saying it was just a 4 year thing, then making it into a 6 year thing, would ultimatly lead to a CAREER in the military. And that isnt something that i want.And i know i am saying I-- but my feelings are just as important as brians, and it has to be a mutual decision. Brian is great at his job, and he loves it. But its not fair to the kids and I, nor to him to have to be away. Its the name of the game, yes, but the saying is true-- the military isnt for everyone, and you cant make yourself love it. Im not saying that I've hated it. Because parts of it I have loved. Parts of it Will be missed, and I LOVE virginia beach. I am SAD to leave virginia beach. If it weren't from being away from family, i would stay here forever. Its a wonderful place for families, and I feel like I belong. Brian and I are a TEAM, and Ive made sacrifices, and its time to focus on OUR life, not HIS life, and not MINE-- OURS. The kids being our first priority!
I feel lost in michigan, it doesnt feel like i belong there anymore, but it is home. it is where i grew up, and I want that for my kids. WE want that for OUR kids.
We have made the decision to get out in July. We have nothing set in stone. Our world is flipped upside down right now. We have no idea what we are going to do. But we are focused, motivated and working TOGETHER. We have so much to do and not enough time to do it. We are going to fall FLAT on our faces and hopefully come out of this stable, and happy. Its going to be HARD, harder than anything we've EVER done! Its time to get our life STARTED. Its time to settle in one place, and give our kids a stable environment where we arent moving all over anymore. Its time to paint walls and plant flours. Its time to take old carpet and make it into hard wood. Its time to get our hands dirty and work for the life we want. The kids are going to make and lose friends in ONE place for now on. Not making friends and moving, and your heart be broken, time and time again. They are going to see and be raised with their cousins and family. We are going to make careers and build a life in MICHIGAN.
Plans are not finalized, but the decision is made. Brian is applying for colleges and picking a major. I am trying to line up a job, and a house and choose what school system we want slade to be in. Most likely we will be in bay city or Auburn.
Please, we ask there to be no critisism, as this is the hardest decision we have ever made. But most importantly we have made it together, and that in itself is alot to ask for. Being on the same page and realizing what is important to us. Please just lend us support if you have it to offer, and your love. Alot of you have no idea what this is like, and my heart is feeling a mass amount of emotions. Uncertainty sure does do a number on my poor brain. But it will all work out with a lot of faith and prayer.
The time has come. We are coming home.
What a hard decision to have to make, but I sure do understand where you're coming from. It's the right decision for your family. When we made the decision to leave the Navy and California it was to come home to family and I've never regretted it. Raising your children with their family is priceless. It isn't going to be esy, but then, life isn't always. It's what makes you who you are. You and Brian are a very strong unit and I have no doubt that this is only going to make you stronger. I wish you all good things with this move. I know your parents are so happy to have you 'home'. And Slade and Keni are going to be with their cousins!
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