Good morning! Here we go!
Day 74: do you think crying is a sign of weakness or strength:
I think this is sort of a loaded question. This one can get misconstrued where i possibly offend someone so Im just going to start off by saying that my views are completely about ME. What I feel when I cry.... Im not answering it about anyone else, but me. Crying to me can vary my emotions. I think that it takes a person who is completely comfortable with the person whom they are crying to; or I tend to cry alone, because i feel weak and vulnerable to cry in front of people. To me, it takes a lot for me to break down in front of the FEW people that I do cry in front of. My body can only take so much before the waterworks begin. Stress brings on a lot of emotions for me. Hurt is something that probably makes me cry most. Whether it be something that physically hurt me, or emotionally hurt-- to me those are equally as damaging.
I think there comes times where you want to cry, but you keep swallowing that bubble in your throat until it hurts, trying to keep from breaking down. I know that when I dropped brian Off to the ship for deployment, i was in the passenger seat, we found our parking spot, and were dreading getting out. and as we were looking at all these people/couples hugging and sobbing at vehicles all around us, and we didn't want to be that couple! Not for pride reasons or showing "we've got this" but to show support and strength for each other. So we exited the vehicle and walked to the back of the car. As i was walking that short distance, that frog started to climb up my esophagus to the point of pain. I seen him doing the same thing, swallowing and blinking, holding it back. So once we got to the trunk of the car, brian pulled out his bag of things, slammed the back door and said "whelp, this is it!" we hugged and that damn frog was getting bigger, and bigger! kept swallowing it down and holding back. gave each other a peck, because anything longer would make it harder to leave. One more big hug, and i started walking backwards with a smile on my face, put my hand in the air to wave as he was walking to the pier...... "its not goodbye babe, its I will see you soon!".... he replied with the same and blew a kiss. Once he turned around to face the ship, he never turned around to look at me again. It was too hard. I watched him enter the gate and then i got in the car and started my trek back home. I really wanted to cry, but i couldn't bring myself to be sorry for myself-- not yet! To me, not crying in front of brian meant that i was strong enough to do this deployment. I was strong enough to hold it together so that he too could hold it together. If i would have let a tear fall, he would have been a mess, and that isnt the way i wanted to leave him. I wanted to leave him with a smile on my face, and dry eyes! as hard as it was, somehow i accomplished it-- and not crying, made me feel strong.
I think what i was getting to when writing all of that, is crying is a pride thing for me. I don't often hide my weaknesses but crying is very guarded to me. I feel if i cry in front of my friends or family, that they are going to think less of me. I know everyone cries and i know a lot of people whom cry at the drop of a hat. I am not saying there is anything wrong with that, because as i am being completely honest, i think SEEING people cry shows strength.It shows their love and care and its pure raw emotion that warms your heart to see. Its letting all of the emotions out of their body, so they can rebuild their strength. I know how bazaar that sounds. How hard i am on myself TO cry, and when i see people cry I feel it shows that they are a strong individual. Im not sure if this is even making sense to you all, but it makes sense to me.
Whether you cry or you dont cry, whether you hold it in or pour it out, doesnt tell anything about who you are as a person! . It doesnt say that you are a weak person. It doesnt say im super strong! It is just showing that you are human, and that sometimes you let things get the best of you, and that is okay.
"tears are weakness leaving the body" is a quote that i always hear in my head when i am about to cry. whether that rings true to you or not, it doesnt matter. we all cry and we are all strong in our own ways, and we also have weaknesses.......
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